My days pass so quickly that I forget what day it is. Next thing I know, the weekend is over and it’s back to school and work everyday for me. I’ve gone from physically weak to bored to a walking zombie who haven’t exactly been paying attention to anything. I’ve literally told friends to f*ck off as I’m tired being a “friend.” When we are friends, I would do what it takes necessary to keep in touch, email, call, sms, etc. But if I feel it’s a one way street, you might as well just be compared to my MSN or Facebook friends I keep online just for the sake of keeping them listed there. If that’s how you lowered the strength of our friendship, then I know that’s okay with you and you just wouldn’t care if we did keep in touch or not. Personally I know for sure it’s not my loss…

But good thing, I’ve been paying attention to school more. I’ve been going to the library more than I thought possible and it’s so quiet and leaves me to my own thoughts. I draw, I listen to my ipod, go online, study, write my essays, work on my other paper due for Cybernation, focus on Marketing, concentrate on my Accounting and complete what needs to be done for school. Met Jess today…Had lunch with her at Square One after my lab, checked out some stores for some good winter jackets and headed to the library to try to do some studying. I’m mad about not receiving enough OSAP for next semester, but it’s alright I guess because at the end, I really wouldn’t have to pay that much. I just have to work my ass off everyday till end of Jan to get books, pay off university tuition and save up for next semester. So far, I worked twice this week and InshAllah tomorrow as well from 7am – 3pm. I’ve been listening to metal music again like Metallica and good ol’ alternative The Cranberries all day long, whether I’m on the road to school, work,or running errands. Only one person, a good friend of mine for 4 yrs now, Rami, knows the words, knows what I’m going thru, understands me, and has been really supportive. He’s been advising me all this time and is great.

To him, I dedicate this song…

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now hes gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

xoxo,
Laila