The Ideal Man List

Someone who challenges me, but doesn’t belittle me.

Someone with a dark sense of humor.

Someone who loves the fact that I’m a decent cook but I’m trying to get better.

Someone who will let me talk about movies and humor my geeky film school theories.

Someone who has as many unflattering stories about their past as I do.

Someone who has risen from the ashes.

Someone strong enough to carry me to bed and tall enough to reach the top shelf.

Mutual Satisfaction.

Someone who loves my son but doesn’t get jealous when I put his needs first.

Someone who will let me be the mother I am & not try to mold me into his mother.

Mutual Appreciation.

Someone who can deal with my tendency to drift into la-la land and snap me back into reality when I’m too far gone.

Someone who gives piggyback rides.

Someone who likes books and music and museums and traveling and isn’t afraid of getting wet.

He likes animals.

Someone who will dance with me , or won’t get angry if I dance by myself. Because I will be dancing.

Someone who doesn’t care how I look every morning.

Someone who likes vanilla white wine and tequila shots.

Mutual Motivation.

Someone who likes paella, or at least can deal with my seafood obsession.

Someone who is nice to the waitress.

Someone who likes a little adventure and isn’t afraid to try new things (even if the new restaurant I choose is a little sketchy-looking)

Someone who won’t be personally offended if I care to play devil’s advocate.

Someone who, like me, can make a home out of a strange place.

Someone who is as brave as I am.

much more, far more quickly than adults. Do you know why that is?”

Elizabeth assumed there was some scientific explanation for it, but

shook her head.

“Because they’re open-minded. Because they want to know and they

want to learn. Adults”—he shook his head sadly—“think they know it all.

They grow up and forget so easily instead of opening their minds, they choose

what to believe and what not to believe. You can’t make a choice on things like

that, you either believe or you don’t. That’s why their learning is slower. They

are more cynical, they lose faith, and they only demand to know things that

will help them get by day by day. They’ve no interest in the extras. But, Elizabeth,”

he said, his voice a loud whisper, eyes wide and sparkling, and Elizabeth

shivered as goose pimples rose on her arms. She felt as if he were sharing

the world’s greatest secret with her.

“It’s the extras that make life.”

“That make life what?” she whispered.

He smiled. “That make life.”

Elizabeth swallowed the lump in her throat. “That’s it?”

Ivan smiled. “What do you mean, that’s it? How much more can you

get than life, how much more can you ask for than life? That’s the gift. Life

is everything, and you haven’t lived it properly until you believe.”

― Cecelia Ahern

I believe it’s an attempt to commiserate with me but they don’t have the right to commiserate with me. It simplifies the challenges of single parenting as if childcare is the only factor. It’s not unusual that women do the majority of the childcare and, that alone, makes parenting INSANE but childcare is only one aspect of single parenting. How about dealing with issues like dishwasher breakdowns, car repairs, toy assembly. What about not being able to take out the garbage or leave the apt at all after your child is asleep. How about WORKING FULL TIME to pay the bills AND paying the bills. I am the only one who makes or buys dinner seven nights a week. I don’t get a break. I don’t have anyone to stay home while I go out and shop for myself or scrap book or Craft fair. There is no one to play puzzles with the little one while I prepare a meal or clean a kitchen or take out the garbage. Nobody to help me deal with an unexpected pipe burst. I deal with it and I deal with the toddler at the SAME TIME.

I am usually not angry about being a single mom. In fact, my situation is better than many others and I don’t often complain. However, they just don’t seem to get it.

evening strolls

warm, shallow bath with ABC foam bath toys

cold dinner

vac and steam

hugs and kisses from my little guy

Oddly, I’m happy.

I hate this because I hear myself saying it all the time. It underscores the fact that I am always busy cleaning/cooking/doing laundry, etc.

LOOK AT MAMA

I read this in some discipline book. eye contact is essential.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR DINNER/TO DO/ TO WEAR

like Single Parent Dad, this is a big mistake which I always regret instantly but I can’t seem to shake the habit.

NIGHT NIGHT

repeated in a hopeful sometimes desperate tone every ten minutes or so between 9:30 until 10:30.

WHAT’S THE MATTER BABY?

WOULD YOU LIKE A HUG?

this is my way of difusing situations which are escalating. It’s touch and go as to its effectiveness.

ARE YOU MY LITTLE ANGEL?

another one that often drives him crazy.

OK LETS HIT IT.

mean: we are late as usual. Lets go lets go lets go lets go!

OKAY OKAY OKAY!

I am Single

I am raising a child alone.

I chose to do that.

I did not choose to become pregnant.

I am not young and naive

I was not ever married

I do not have a biological father to contend with

I struggle financially

I am not POOR.

I LOVE BEING A MOTHER AND HAVE FROM THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT I WAS ONE

So did anybody else out there have a single mommy identity crisis?

It’s the day in and day out duties you assume that can catch up to you if you don’t surround yourself with friends. It’s why I usually have them over two or three nights a week. This way I save money on babysitting and get some healthy adult interaction.

I’ve already told you why I love being a single mom. And I would never have it any other way but today I need to vent about the downsides. Just need to blow some steam.

The toughest aspects of single motherhood:

It’s all on you. Everything. The groceries, the doctor’s appointments, the clothes shopping, the bills.
I haven’t slept in (for free) in 10 months.
I have cleaned the kitchen and bathroom every night, by myself, for 10 months.
I have done every load of laundry, every bathroom scrub down and cooked every meal.
I have to discipline him on my own.
He gets bored with me …this could all be in my head, but I just think if he had more than one parent around he would be a bit more entertained.
I can’t give him enough attention. As a single mom you have to make choices. Cook the kid’s dinner or play with him. Hmmm….food. This is just one example.

Okay, now I feel a bit better. And now looking at that list – it doesn’t seem so tough.

The hardest part of all is the idea that I am the only one, the only one who truly knows my son. But even that doesn’t sound harder than being with his father – that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Being miserable with his dad is much harder than being a single mother – I can guarantee it.