10 Things to stop doing in 2009

Let’s all try to do less of certain things in 2009. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll catch on, and we’ll have an accidental movement on our hands. Maybe we’ll get tee shirts printed up. Maybe we’ll all get on Oprah for it.

What do you think? Willing to try?

1) Stop putting yourself down.
2) Stop waiting for something to come that will make everything better (if only).
3) Stop thinking you can read minds.
4) Stop trying to do it all yourself.
5) Stop trying old things in new places, unless they’re really old.
6) Stop making excuses for not doing things to move your career ahead.
7) Stop presuming everything will get better because someone else will fix it.
8) Stop writing “me too” posts, or doing “me too” work. Build on the body of work.
9) Stop beating yourself up when you don’t create something on a given day.
10) Stop striving for perfection, and strive for execution instead.

Here’s the Secret

The secret is this: it’s ridiculously hard to focus on STOPPING anything. Think about the beginning of the post. How do we print up tee shirts and rally around “No ____.” It’s just not nearly as cool as getting behind something you want to support. So maybe let’s you and me throw out the first list (don’t tell people who skim blog posts, and maybe they’ll just stop those 10 things), and let’s do some new things in 2009. Cool? And because it’s hard to actually remember10 things, let’s just do 6 things in the to do list.

6 Things to Do in 2009

Find a new way to improve someone’s day (and determine if there’s value in it).
Synthesize new ideas from outside your audience’s circle (and help us make meaning from them).
Promote the great people out there ( and and keep doing it).
Learn from brilliant people (and share what you learn).
Work on interesting projects that matter to you (and empower others to participate).
Discover your passions (and share them openly).

What do you think? Does any of it grab you? Am I full of it? What’s your take?

He's Just Not That Into You

Cut your losses and don’t waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don’t want to hear it? Fine. Here’s the answer you’re looking for, “Hang in there, baby. He’s not the loser everybody’s telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!” But please don’t be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.

Don’t let the “honeys” and the “babys” fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than “I’m just not that into you.” Remember, actions speak louder than, “There’s no cell reception where I am right now.”

Calling when you say you’re going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house, baby. And it’s cold outside.

He will always be able to play the “friend” card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He’s got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I’m sorry to say … as a boyfriend, he’s just not that into you.

Beware of the word “friend”. It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.

I don’t want to be “sort of dating” someone. I don’t want to be “kinda hanging out” with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I’ll see again because they’ve already demonstarted to me that they’re trustworthy and honorable — and into me.

You can’t blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feeling. Thank God for that really. But having feelings don’t mean you have to have sex.

Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage, will … rest assured … someday be married. It just will never be with you.

Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn’t want you in his life anymore … his sad, wistful, “I miss you so much” voice on the other end of the phone? It’s validating. It’s exciting. It’s irresistible. But resist you must.

My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence to do it in person … if he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it’s like to live without you.

Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You’re deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.

I was seeing a guy for about a month. He broke up with me, saying that he didn’t feel like it could be something serious. I understood and took it well. He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends. I said sure. Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before. (But now, we’re “broken up.”) He’s really, really cute and I love having sex with him. I also think he must like me if he can’t stop being around me. And I think it’s kinda cool — all pressure’s off and we’re having a great time together. I’ve decided that I think it’s fine and I’m not going to call his attention for the fact that we’re actually dating. Except for the fact that we broke up.

This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings. After all, you’re not going out anymore. It’s genius! It’s diabolical! He should be writing a book! In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to. And let me guess, you’d be happy to sign up for that as well. For the record, this guy doesn’t “like you so much that he can’t stop being around you.” Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: they don’t break up with you. This guy is seriously not into you, it’s crazy. The only way you’re going to figure out how into you you are … is how fast you get rid of him.

It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less — even a vague pathetic facsimile of less — than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don’t settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend’s house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you’re meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it’s nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don’t ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He’s into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.

Don’t underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you’ve been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you’ve been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it’s still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.

He’s sniffing for something better, and when he doesn’t find it, he gets lonely and comes “home.” It’s not that he’s so into you. It’s that he’s so not into being alone. Don’t give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn’t it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

Don’t confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.

Breakups, I’ve heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching … keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You’re not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I’m in this situation I’ll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.

Breakup sex still means you’re broken up.

Cut him off. Let him miss you.

He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.

There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

The reason it’s so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.

Don’t give him the chance to reject you again.

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Being lonely … being alone … for many people … sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honor the person you are is worse.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

He’s Just Not That Into You

Cut your losses and don’t waste your time .  Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don’t want to hear it?  Fine.  Here’s the answer you’re looking for, “Hang in there, baby.  He’s not the loser everybody’s telling you he is.  If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!”  But please don’t be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses.  And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women.  We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you.  We feel rewarded when we do.

Don’t let the “honeys” and the “babys” fool you.  His sweet nothings are exactly that.  They are much easier to say than “I’m just not that into you.”  Remember, actions speak louder than, “There’s no cell reception where I am right now.”

Calling when you say you’re going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust.  If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house, baby.  And it’s cold outside.

He will always be able to play the “friend” card on you.  He only  has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend.  He’s got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to.  He may be one of your closest friends, but I’m sorry to say … as a boyfriend, he’s just not that into you.

Beware of the word “friend”.  It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior.  Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.

I don’t want to be “sort of dating” someone.  I don’t want to be “kinda hanging out” with someone.  I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved.  I want to be involved.  I want to be sleeping with someone I know I’ll see again because they’ve already demonstarted to me that they’re trustworthy and honorable — and into me.

You can’t blame a guy for having feelings.  You love someone, you break up, you still have feeling.  Thank God for that really.  But having feelings don’t mean you have to have sex.

Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage, will … rest assured … someday be married.  It just will never be with you.

Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us.  I understand.  What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn’t want you in his life anymore … his sad, wistful, “I miss you so much” voice on the other end of the phone?  It’s validating.  It’s exciting.  It’s irresistible.  But resist you must.

My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that.  I miss him.  I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves.  If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence to do it in person … if he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you.  Stop taking his calls and let him know what it’s like to live without you.

Don’t be flattered that he misses you.  He  should miss you.  You’re deeply missable.  However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you.  Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.

I was seeing a guy for about a month.  He broke up with me, saying that he didn’t feel like it could be something serious.  I understood and took it well.  He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends.  I said sure.  Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before.  (But now, we’re “broken up.”)  He’s really, really cute and I love having sex with him.  I also think he must like me if he can’t stop being around me.  And I think it’s kinda cool — all pressure’s off and we’re having a great time together.  I’ve decided that I think it’s fine and I’m not going to call his attention for the fact that we’re actually dating.  Except for the fact that we broke up.

This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings.  After all, you’re not going out anymore.  It’s genius!  It’s diabolical!  He should be writing a book!  In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to.  And let me guess, you’d be happy to sign up for that as well.  For the record, this guy doesn’t “like you so much that he can’t stop being around you.”  Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: they don’t break up with you.  This guy is seriously not into you, it’s crazy.  The only way you’re going to figure out how into you you are … is how fast you get rid of him.

It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less — even a vague pathetic facsimile of less — than you would have ever imagined.  Remember always what you set out to get and please don’t settle for less.  These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

Hey girl.  Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend’s house.  Do not find an excuse to stay.  Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you’re meant to be together.  Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it’s nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about.  It makes it all, well, dramatic.  But now you know.  It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions.  So now you don’t ever have to make that mistake again.  Got it?  He’s into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex.  Over and out.

Don’t underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you’ve been doing it with for a very long time.  Especially with someone you’ve been doing it with for a very long time.  Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again.  It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it’s still called breakup sex.  No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.

He’s sniffing for something better, and when he doesn’t find it, he gets lonely and comes “home.”  It’s not that he’s so into you.  It’s that he’s so not into being alone.  Don’t give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time.  (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn’t it?)  Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision.  Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

Don’t confuse being classy with being a doormat.  Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity.  Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.

Breakups, I’ve heard, are supposed to be just that.  Breaks.  Hard, clean breaks.  No talking, no seeing, no touching … keep your hands to yourself.  The relationship is over.  Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me.  You’re not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago.  Fine.  Next time I’m in this situation I’ll cry.  Stay in bed and wail.  Go to the gym if I can.  Call all my friends and burden them with my misery.  Sleep too much.  Cry some more.  See my therapist more often.  Get a puppy.  Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.

Breakup sex still means you’re broken up.

Cut him off.  Let him miss you.

He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.

There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that  you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

The reason it’s so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.  The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.

Don’t give him the chance to reject you again.

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Being lonely … being alone … for many people … sucks.  I get it, I get it, I get it.  But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honor the person you are is worse.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

…You must set yourself on fire…

♥…the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams…♥

♥…some succeed because they are destined to, most succeed because they are determined to…♥

♥…even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there…♥

♥…to accomplish things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe…♥

♥…to understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what one has already achieved, but at what one aspires to do…♥

♥…why should I deem myslef to be the chisel, when I could be the artist…♥

♥…Great is the road I climb, but…the garland offered by the easier effort is not worth the gathering…♥

♥…the ambitious life is the life worth living…♥

♥…put your heart, mind, intellect, and soul even to your smallest acts, this is the secret to success…♥

♥…keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions…small people always do that, but the really Great make you feel that you, too, can become Great…♥ 

i do

i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you