Blame

The need to blame can be a real problem for any relationship. Over the course of time, problems will inevitably rise. And regardless of whether it is the other person’s fault or not, the immaturity within is will find someone to blame. It is a natural reaction for us to seek out someone to blame, but it is not always our best option.

Nobody can control the world; it is too big and too random. Much of the bad that happens is nobody’s fault. In life, we fail a lot. We need to be able to deal with it and move on. To have a fulfilling life, you have to be willing regularly to put yourself on the line. Sometimes you succeed. But sometimes you will fail. Sometimes you worries will be justified.

The advantage of fully owning up to mistakes without qualifications is that others respond to you better and you get to act with more integrity. It is amazing the degree to which in real life the unqualified owning up of one’s mistakes works so much better, has such a better outcome, goes over so much better with others. It is also amazing, especially given all this, how difficult it is for anybody to do it.

The fabric of any relationship has holes in it; there is no such thing as perfection.

When bad happens it is best to grieve and then focus on what comes next. Forget the blame; all that does is make the other person feel bad and defensive and lead to arguments that serve no useful purpose.

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