He: That was weird.
Me: Yeah. Not exactly what I imagined.
He: No. I meant you flirting with a guy right in front of me.
Me: Come on.
He: Well, it’s a big deal to me. I want to be exclusive with you.
He: Not exactly the response I was expecting. Because I care about you, that’s why.
Me: I care about you too, but that doesn’t mean we need to be exclusive.
He: Well, what does that mean? Does that mean you haven’t been exclusive? Then, who was it?
Me: It doesn’t matter.
He: I can’t believe this. Do you know why I work everyday? To pay for your necklace?
Me: I never asked you to do any of that. I’ve always been honest with you. I’ve always been the kind of girl that can never have an ordinary relationship
He: That’s something that you’ve talked yourself into.
Me: Love doesn’t work. And you trying to force on me, is screwing this up.
He: No! You screwing this up is what’s screwing this up. You can hide behind that crap all you want, but we both know it’s just a lame excuse. You’re afraid.
Me: This is why we should have just been buddies.
He: You wanna know why you don’t believe in love? Because you’re heartless.
Friend: What’s with you?
Me: You know what happens when you tell someone to not think about an elephant?
Friend: You spend a lot of time thinking about an elephant?
Me: I’m lonely. I don’t see how this is a solution.
Friend: Find a grown up who wants what you want. And date, like a grown up.
Me: I don’t know what that means.
No matter how many plans we make, or steps to follow, we never know how our day is going to end up.
We’d prefer to know, of course, what curve balls would be thrown our way, it’s the accidents that turn out to be the most interesting part of our day., the turn of events we never would have chosen for ourselves.
All of a sudden, you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be. And it’s nice. Or takes some getting used to.
Still, you’ll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line.
So, you go sleeping each night, thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing for your lists, and hoping whatever accidents come your way, will be happy ones.
For once in my life, for once, I am doing things that is entirely for me. And it has nothing to do with any feelings for you. Or for my ex. Or anyone. This is about not feeling. You make me not feel. And if you can’t handle that, if you can’t handle being used for sex, then please just tell me so I can find a guy who can.
There are moments that challenge us, terrify us, dare us to reach the potential that we were meant to reach. It’s time to stop the talk, learn from others and teach ourselves what it means to be great.
It is hard for us to accept it s not always the hard work. Or attention to detail that will get us the answers we are looking for. Sometimes we just have to sit back, relax and wait for it to happen.
I lost myself as a person and I started to think how dangerous it all was. It changes you. This world. Your friends, your family. You change each other. You don’t ever think you’ll lose your way. But what happens in this life, just remember you’re reason for being alive. Because it is too easy to lose your way.