The measure of how much you’ve grown isn’t how well you handle the good times, but how well you navigate the tough times.
Every relationship has tough times – they just do. It’s natural, especially right after the early honeymoon phase. I know that someone will be in my life for a very long time, not because we met and had so much in common, but because we’ve been through many disagreements together and the relationship still remained intact.
How you handle disagreements in relationships will determine the quality of the relationship. And the quality of the relationships in your life greatly determines the quality of your life, since none of us are meant to exist alone in a vacuum.
So the download of today is this: if you want a happy life, learn how to CONSCIOUSLY enter into disagreement.
Here are some tips:
1. Express your feelings instead of your judgments.
2. Do not avoid emotions. Let them out and give your partner room and permission to do the same.
3. Positively reinforce your partner when they are vulnerable, instead of making fun of or dismissing their feelings.
4. Make the commitment to love each other, even when and especially if you disagree.
5. Make the distinction that you are frustrated with their behavior, not with who they are.
6. Listen before you speak. Understand before you decide to respond.
7. Don’t attack or blame – you are responsible for your feelings.
8. Don’t interrupt while your partner is sharing.
9. Keep focused on loving your partner – rather than being right.
10. Hold the intention that it’s okay to disagree and that you can still love someone, even when you disagree with them.
11. Celebrate your differences.
12. Find the lesson for your own life in the disagreement. This is happening for a reason.
I hope that these few tips will help you consciously navigate disagreements in your relationships and, as a result, increase the quality of your life.
Let me know how it goes!