10 Things I Never Would Have Said Before I Became a Parent

Get that (crayon, Lego, carrot, finger) out of your nose!

Get that (crayon, Lego, carrot, finger) out of your brother’s nose!

Who put my cell phone in the toilet?

Sure! I’d love to watch some more Wiggles!

You spit that in my hand right now!

Please, for the last time, do not pee in the sprinkler!

Why is there a toad in my kitchen sink?

Do I have to remind you that we keep our pants on in McDonalds?

If you two keep up that farting contest, someone is going to poop in their pants and then you’ll both be in trouble!

From the movie Baby Mama. “Is that poop or chocolate?”

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