I’LL BE RIGHT THERE SWEETIE.
I hate this because I hear myself saying it all the time. It underscores the fact that I am always busy cleaning/cooking/doing laundry, etc.
LOOK AT MAMA
I read this in some discipline book. eye contact is essential.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR DINNER/TO DO/ TO WEAR
like Single Parent Dad, this is a big mistake which I always regret instantly but I can’t seem to shake the habit.
repeated in a hopeful sometimes desperate tone every ten minutes or so between 9:30 until 10:30.
WHAT’S THE MATTER BABY?
WOULD YOU LIKE A HUG?
this is my way of difusing situations which are escalating. It’s touch and go as to its effectiveness.
ARE YOU MY LITTLE ANGEL?
another one that often drives him crazy.
OK LETS HIT IT.
mean: we are late as usual. Lets go lets go lets go lets go!
OKAY OKAY OKAY!
This is my Single Mommy identity:
I am Single
I am raising a child alone.
I chose to do that.
I did not choose to become pregnant.
I am not young and naive
I was not ever married
I do not have a biological father to contend with
I struggle financially
I am not POOR.
I LOVE BEING A MOTHER AND HAVE FROM THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT I WAS ONE
So did anybody else out there have a single mommy identity crisis?
Being a single mom is tough. But like anything else in life – you get used to it. you adapt, you become stronger and you survive. You also have the power of love on your side – the love you feel for your child is stronger than anything you’ve ever felt – it compels you and drives you day in and day out.
It’s the day in and day out duties you assume that can catch up to you if you don’t surround yourself with friends. It’s why I usually have them over two or three nights a week. This way I save money on babysitting and get some healthy adult interaction.
I’ve already told you why I love being a single mom. And I would never have it any other way but today I need to vent about the downsides. Just need to blow some steam.
The toughest aspects of single motherhood:
It’s all on you. Everything. The groceries, the doctor’s appointments, the clothes shopping, the bills.
I haven’t slept in (for free) in 10 months.
I have cleaned the kitchen and bathroom every night, by myself, for 10 months.
I have done every load of laundry, every bathroom scrub down and cooked every meal.
I have to discipline him on my own.
He gets bored with me …this could all be in my head, but I just think if he had more than one parent around he would be a bit more entertained.
I can’t give him enough attention. As a single mom you have to make choices. Cook the kid’s dinner or play with him. Hmmm….food. This is just one example.
Okay, now I feel a bit better. And now looking at that list – it doesn’t seem so tough.
The hardest part of all is the idea that I am the only one, the only one who truly knows my son. But even that doesn’t sound harder than being with his father – that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Being miserable with his dad is much harder than being a single mother – I can guarantee it.
The sweetest of the sweets. Even when he is covered in goo and smelling like – you know. I’m thankful he has the patience to forgive me for not being perfect, to love me no matter what and to accept me as the mom that I am.
We all need reminders that life is precious. If we all had more, perhaps our relationships would be different, our lives and our existence. It’s a bit of a black fortune, I think, to know what true loss feels like.
The fortune is only that now you truly appreciate life. We all say “life is short” but now you know it is and you live your life differently than you lived it before. There is a stark difference in your life between that before and after and it’s very hard to explain to those who have not lost or experienced such a tragedy.
1). Because we have discovered that we can live happily ever after solo.
2). We haven’t found that “spark” and are holding out of that same fire we felt before.
3). Even though we may feel “over” a traumatic experience like losing your ex-boyfriend to cheating, there is still hurt there. We have found happiness and it seems so scary to risk ever feeling that hurt again.
So, yes, this is normal. What should you do about it? Keep dating. Because it’s fun! But from here on out don’t let the relationships make it to two months, eliminate them faster to make room for some of that spark.
I’m so excited to have met a handful of people who my gut is telling me are absolutely good for me in every way, and who will be around for a very, very long time.